Family Planning

I recently read a couple of blog posts (this one) and (this one) about family planning. No, these were not about birth control, just about the different decisions going into planning a family. The questions posed made me think about the decisions DH and I have made over the years. I wanted to post my answers to these questions for your reading pleasure.

What factors contribute to your decision on how many kids to have? When DH and I talked of children, we both wanted several. The question was when to start this future basketball team. I could say that we considered our financial situation, my health, our age, and our education and careers before choosing to bring a new life into the world, but that would be a lie. If that was the deciding factor we might not have kids. In all honesty, we chose to have each child when the time was right. That's it, no magical number or scientifically proven spacing of children, just good old, prayerful listening to the quiet whisperings of the Holy Spirit. That isn't to say we had no say in the matter, looking back I think that a loving Father in Heaven sent those promptings when we were ready to receive them.

What role does your religious faith have in the decision? A key role. In my adult life I've heard a great deal of council on the subject from church leaders. I know that families are central to God's plan for us as stated in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." I also know that we shouldn't put off having children for reasons of financial gain (house, car, whatever). President Benson said that "children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels." These are teachings I know to be true. The key is having the faith necessary to put this knowledge into action.

Do you worry about overpopulation? I'm not concerned with the number of children people have or don't have. I am concerned about our earth and the way we as humans choose to live in it. I'm worried about overconsumption of resources, failure to re-cycle, and urban sprawl to name a few. Henry B. Eyring wrote ". . . Heavenly Father would not command men and women to marry and to multiply and replenish the earth if the children they invited into mortality would deplete the earth. Since there is enough and to spare, the enemy of human happiness as well as the cause of poverty and starvation is not the birth of children. It is the failure of people to do with the earth what God could teach them to do if only they would ask and then obey, for they are agents unto themselves."

Do you feel like you’ll be able to reenter (or stay) in the workforce after you have children (if you even want to)? It has never been my intention to have a career or reenter the workforce after my child rearing years are over. When we were dating, DH and I agreed that I should stay at home and be there for our little brood and he would do the career thing. That didn't negate the need for me to get a good education and so I graduated with a Masters Degree from BYU and worked as an audiologist for a few years. When the time came that DH could support us with his income alone, it was difficult for me to continue with "the plan." My career was blossoming. There were roads ahead of me with opportunity labeled all over them. I was enjoying my work and the people I worked with. Deciding to switch gears and focus my efforts on our already growing family wasn't easy. I still think about audiology and being in the work force (although, I don't miss dictating letters to physicians, trying to find a babysitter when A was sick, or being so tired when I came home). I don't know if some day perhaps I might step on that path again. I do know that what I am doing right now within the walls of my own home is where I should be and where I have the most influence and can experience the greatest rewards.

Is your husband’s helpfulness a factor in deciding whether or not to have a big family? My husband is and has always been helpful in rearing our children. If he weren't, I believe I might be in the looney bin by now, so it is probably safe to say that we wouldn't have five children if my husband weren't the great support that he is.

Brian's thoughts - Julie had me read through her response and the only thought I have had is the role of faith in this. Being willing to pray and go with the answers you receive. We were poor college students with A, lived in a small apartment with Boo. The pregnancy with Boo put Julie in the hospital. With G, Julie and I were still in a small apartment hoping for a new job and a home. Then G ended up coming a month early and was hospitalized for a week. During the pregnancy with little B, Julie struggled with thyroid problems that caused her to need to sleep all the time. With each of these it would have been easy to say no more but each time we felt peace and knew that it would work out. You know....it always has. Sometimes fasting was necessary, lots of prayers and lots of blessings but through the experience we have learned that God is interested in what our family is up to and is willing to help when we ask.

To my fellow bloggers - I've answered these questions with the advantage of hind sight. It is easier to see the road you've been traveling than the one yet to come. Also, just because the road I've chosen is the right one for me, doesn't mean that I think it is the ONLY road. I am not naive enough to think that situations and circumstances don't play into decisions made and paths chosen. Family planning is a deeply personal topic. If you feel like sharing your answers to these questions or just a comment or two, I'd love to read your thoughts on the subject.