BYU Women's Conference

I headed South on Wednesday night and joined my Colorado friends (Cheri and Shari) and their friends (Angie, Cozette, Kris, Becky, and Robin) for a little R&R. My DH took Thursday and Friday off of work to stay at home with the kids. Us girls stayed in a hotel in Provo and spent two days attending classes at BYU Women's Conference, shopping, eating, playing, shopping, and did I mention shopping? Truth be told, I didn't spend much, just bought a couple of CD's (this and this) for my DH and got a few gifts for the kids (this and that). Mostly, I filled myself with enlightening presentations aimed at giving me a deeper spiritual base from which I might draw on.

Adriane Gil presented ideas on how to talk to your teenager. This was one of the most informative lectures I attended. I'm going to try to reiterate her thoughts to better cement them in my brain.

Number 1 - Do your homework;
She quoted D&C 9:7-8 which reads - Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

We as parents should be prepared (take time to think about and prepare) to ask our teenagers pertinent individual questions. Utilize resources -internet to check on grades, or be aware of school events; text message about an upcoming test, etc...

Number 2 - Be quick to show compassion and slow to judge;
She quoted President Monson as saying "refrain from judging others." She talked about how we as parents should not pass judgement on our teenager's friends. In doing so, we may cut off communication with our teen. When issues or concerns arise and our teenager needs to talk with us concerning thier friends, they will do so unless we have already closed that door.

Number 3 - Demonstrate patience and respect;
She said that sometimes we send a barage of advice and/or demands to our teens. How much interaction do you have during the day that doesn't include a demand or advice? In the book "The Good Teen" by Lerner, research showed that when parents stepped in to help their teen with a school project or homework, the teens grades may or may not have improved, but always their confidence went down. Sister Gil pointed out that in 2 Nephi 25:26 - (And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ ...) the word "talk" appears first and seperately from the word "preach."

And if that weren't enough, following Adriane Gil's presentation, John Bytheway also spoke on communicating with your teen. One thing that really stuck out for me was when he said that we as parents should ask ourselves, "What is it like to be parented by me?" Do you begin a sentence with the following phrases: "You should" or "you must" or "Don't forget to.."? What incentive are you giving your teenager to talk with you? In my case - NOT A LOT!

I hope to take their advice to heart and more carefully prepare for future conversations even with my preteens. Anyone out there with teenagers? Does this stuff jive with you? I'd love to hear your thoughts.